Thursday, 25 April 2019

I'm still alive

It's been a funny old year since my last post. The Missenden experience was brilliant and, as previously mentioned, it did sow a seed. Prior to Scaleforum, the 'seed' had stunted growth and still needed a little nurturing. Scaleforum was an excellent experience. I'll certainly count it as a great achievement to be invited but in some respects it was not the main event of last year....

At the end of July 2018 I was signed off work with 'Anxiety and Depression'. Strange as it seems this came as a complete surprise to me. In hindsight I'd been suffering for months, and possibly had bouts years prior. It was a work-related incident that brought things to a head. One could say it was the proverbial 'straw that broke the camel's back'. Initially the diagnosis was 2 weeks off work, which morphed into 5 months.

Wow - you must be thinking - 5 months off work! But, at times all was not pretty (especially in the first few months). The darkness of depression is a strange thing. Eventually with some considerable effort I could see light and do some minor tasks, or face certain situations relatively easily. With other tasks or situations the dark mood was more difficult to lift. The result being that publicly all seemed to be OK (but privately ... I was struggling).

This all had a huge affect on preparation for Scaleforum. I could not get my head into gear on simple tasks around the house, let alone modelling tasks. I seriously contemplated pulling out of the show. It was only with the support and encouragement from my wife, along with knowing I had the support of three good friends at the show, that gave me enough confidence to get me to Aylesbury. I'd not done nearly as much as I'd wanted with Tredethy Wharf, especially with the rolling stock and the back-screen. I went along with a heavy heart knowing I should have done more.  Then with all the extremely positive and heart warming comments received during the show, I left on the Sunday evening elated but very tired.

All set up on the Friday evening

After the show I starting to take stock of my situation and after many discussions with my wife the decision was for me to take early retirement from work. After a little negotiation with my employer I officially retired on the 3rd January 2019.

'Excellent' you might say! So why have I not posted more of my modelling achievements before now? Bouts of 'darkness' ... or should I say 'greyness' still affected me, and then strangely enough much of my time has been filled with other things. One being getting my head around the consequences of a little building project. This project is currently ongoing and will have a big impact on my modelling...